I got told off the other day by a colleague. And you know what: I'm grateful.
After the initial feelings of indignation passed, I quickly bumbled an apology, made the (extraordinarily nice) chap a cup of tea, and proceeded to quietly chide myself. And herein lies the key. It's not so much that, in that chiding, I've ensured one fewer future mistake. Sure, I've learned a valuable lesson: the situation on this occasion was tiny (and relatively reversible), but another time, the consequences could have been much more significant. Nope - silver linings aside, the real value lies in remembering that one is capable of making mistakes.
I have a wonderful team. I asked them for 3 blunt criticisms, assuring no offence would be taken, and even openly inviting anonymous print-outs to be left on my desk instead of personally identifiable emails. So what happened? They each emailed me positively effusive with praise, telling me all the things they like about me (and they don't need to: I'm leaving in a week). Yes, they then reluctantly went on to include some negative points (all of which I knew before because they've come up in our 1-to-1s), but still, the negatives were couched with such warmth that even my subconscious shackles didn't rise to the occasion. I've therefore pushed these known issues to the top of my list, given that these were the ones that warranted repetition, but as promised, absolutely no offence has been taken.
The example above serves merely to illustrate the value of my first colleague's scolding: the more senior we become, the less likely we are to learn of a fault we didn't already know about. But we should be taken aback (and therefore take initial offence in that time before rational thought overtakes emotion - the important thing is to understand what's happening and take ourselves away until this passes). We miss a deadline: obvious problem. We run over budget: definite problem. But what if we land a colleague in a difficult situation? Or fail to give a co-worker everything they need to do their job well? If it doesn't show up on a balance sheet somewhere, would we even know about it?
Ay, there's the rub. I see senior people making mistakes all the time. I see high-flying individuals overlook the little things that would make the difference. I hear bosses pick unfortunate phrases that just serve to alienate as opposed to motivate. Some of these people are often quite highly self-aware, completely cognisant of the fact that they don't get it right all of the time. But do they know when they aren't getting it right? Do I?
It's human nature to be nice to other people to their faces, and less nice about them behind their backs. We get that warm glow when we compliment others; it's an excellent trait of our psyche. But maybe we should fight through the discomfort, and tell people directly when they get it wrong. Once they get over the instinctive defensiveness, they'll thank us. Honest.
Well okay, maybe not everyone will be grateful. But I will. I might even make you a cup of tea.
