Monday 3 February 2014

Hi honey, I'm not home

To text, or not to text: that is the question:
Whether 'tis better for the relationship to refrain from immediately imparting
The slings and arrows of the day's fortune, 
Or to take thumbs to type the sea of troubles, 
And by composing send them?*

"Shoop, shoop-ba-doop, shoop-ba-..." goes the ringtone. "It's the [wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend]," you think, recognising the dedicated melody. What's happened now? What's the emergency that's merited today's daily distress call? Pret** out of chicken avocado sandwiches again? 

Now of course there are always times that we will call our nearest and dearest during the working day. I'd wager these are usually aligned with two measures: 
a) extremely important (I'm being made redundant) or 
b) highly time-sensitive (The plumber can squeeze us in this afternoon: can you leave work early?). 

But every day? I know some people for whom this is reality, so it makes me wonder not only what on earth do they talk about in the evening, but more importantly: what do they (we) lose by choosing to communicate what must surely be semi-important news in a manner other than face-to-face? Facial expressions, body language (and even tone of voice if texting or email is the chosen channel) - all lost in transmission. As the speaker, we deny the listener the opportunity to truly sense the full impact of what we are saying. And in return, we make it impossible for ourselves to witness the immediate reaction of the listener. I've been quite dismayed in the past that a telephone message to my ear-worn beloved hasn't met with the excitement I felt it should, or empathy it deserved - but how can I blame anyone but myself as I was the one who insisted on emotionally handicapping the communication from the start? 

And even if the actual message isn't even semi-important, while the counter-argument could be that touching base with a partner during the day (and also perhaps precisely because it happens via an alternative medium) adds a level of connection, I instead believe the absence of contact, and therefore anticipation, is more valuable for the relationship. (I refer to the context of the working day only; when one person is away for an extended period of time I do believe that adopting alternative channels of communication, however limiting they may be, is important.)

You may of course entirely disagree with me, dear reader. Or you may already be immune to this behaviour. This post is merely to suggest to all those daily sharers that sometimes, just sometimes, it might be fun to come home and say, "Hi honey, I'm home. You'll never guess what happened to me today..."


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* A somewhat uncouth play on Shakespeare's original elegant text:
"To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?"
-- Hamlet, Act III, Scene I

** As in Pret A Manger, a British lunch shop popular with city folk.

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